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You might be creepy.

August 2, 2011

This past weekend I found myself celebrating the upcoming marriage of a high school friend. Her impending nuptials were celebrated with several of our high school classmates as well as a couple of women I had not met before. We were fairly low-key, Thai dinner and then The Rainbow for some Reggae, no meat markets, no buck-a-suck, no bachelorette scavenger hunt, no naked men. Those ‘shortcomings’ aside, I did manage to spend a good eight hours laughing my arse off.

But.

There was also an incident. Now, being a parent of a three-year old and a 20+ year non-drinker, I don’t tend to hang out in bars. It might be that I’m not current with proper ‘bar goings on’, but from where I was standing it appears there is at least one guy out there who is seriously confusing charming with creepy. If you find yourself doing these sorts of things, you might want to come up with a new approach (feel free to substitute male/female versions as applicable, this is based on this specific experience):

If you ask a woman to dance and she politely declines, move on. To spend the next 1.5 hours harassing her is SUPER creepy, she’s trying to enjoy a band and the company of her friends, not continually fending off your advances. But I’ll break it down for you a bit more –

Following the original request by asking if she’s married ‘or something’ (I guess the rings didn’t give that away), and when status is confirmed assert that you are going to steal her away from her husband = CREEPY (are you going to put her in a burlap bag and sling her  over your shoulder like you’d steal a uh…chicken? She’s am not property, there is no stealing that would ever happen) and she’s now less inclined to dance with you (or be anywhere near you.)

When she laughs in your face at this proclamation and you still don’t get the hint, you’re being creepy. This wasn’t a challenge it was disbelief at your delusion.

When you ask again, then demand reasons, you’re being creepy. When you then start asking the colour of her husband’s skin and if she won’t dance with you because you’re black, you’re crossing lines, making assumptions, and in my opinion letting your prejudices show. Also, you’re still being creepy.

When she tells you she’s been happily married for 22 years telling her things can change is creepy.

Asking her where her husband is in that pointed manner (um, girls’ night) is creepy. Yes, in this century women are allowed out on their own, and *gasp* some of us don’t even need to ask their husband’s permission. Furthermore, he wasn’t home babysitting, he was parenting.

When you sit across from her staring at her for a good ten minutes while she’s trying to enjoy the band, you’re being disturbing.

Suggesting she should come see your band when you play in Montreal means you’re delusional. Even if you are ‘so much better than these guys’

Guess what? She still won’t dance with you. Asking again is just testing the limits of her politeness.

Changing tactics won’t help you at this point. Even if you now you want to be ‘friends’. Telling her how you don’t let many people become your friend but you have many acquaintances and you know she’s special is fucking creepy.  Insisting she take your telephone number* after she refuses multiple times puts you into the scary category. Continuing down this path after she explains that she will not take your number as she will never call so why be dishonest. And even after she further explains that she would never take the number of someone who started off by stating they were going to ‘steal her’ from her husband and now want to be friends? Who she knows nothing about and will never start any sort of relationship with? Wacko.

Spending more time glaring at her from under your baseball cap? Creepy, also scary.

Telling her you have a sixth sense about things and she and her husband will be split up in six months is also a bit, no wait, lot creepy. And you look unhinged.

And no, she still won’t dance with you, were you not paying attention?

Needless to say I’m very glad we left as a group; dude was, well, creepy.

*In discussing this encounter on the way home the bride to be disclosed that she had been offered a number and accepted, with the intention of posting it on Facebook. I still have a lot to learn.

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16 Comments leave one →
  1. August 3, 2011 4:31 pm

    Just reading about this is freaking me out. I am not missing the bar scene at all at this moment.

  2. August 4, 2011 10:36 am

    wow. i probably wouldhave got physical with him and dragged his ass to the bouncer. i love the bride to be’s thought though.

    • August 5, 2011 7:56 am

      Heh, I think there were a bunch of factors, I didn’t want to admit how uncomfortable he was making me (I’m stubborn like that), I didn’t want to make a scene, and a lot of it was really after it was over I started to get ticked off at how much of my evening he’d taken. What gave him the right?

  3. August 4, 2011 2:43 pm

    oh good god! CREEPY!

  4. August 6, 2011 4:02 pm

    Wow…that goes beyond creepy into the realms of psycho. Ugh.

    • August 8, 2011 1:53 pm

      I was really relieved not to see him at all at closing time. I guess he was off on a last-ditch effort.

  5. August 6, 2011 5:22 pm

    Dear goodness I don’t want to ever be single again…

    • extrafancyone permalink
      August 6, 2011 6:27 pm

      I second this motion, I don’t have enough patience to deal with people like that.

      • August 8, 2011 1:55 pm

        I probably should have moved or ditched him, but that just seemed like he’d win (warped stubborn mind)

    • August 8, 2011 1:54 pm

      After 22 years I’d have no idea wth I was doing…

  6. August 7, 2011 10:07 am

    late BHAH hopping now–SUPER CREEPY! but the posting his number on facebook? GENIUS!

    • August 8, 2011 1:55 pm

      I know! I can’t believe I didn’t figure that out…now hopefully there’ll never be another time. *g*

  7. August 7, 2011 3:26 pm

    Creepy indeed! I’ve been WAY hesitant to ever walk into a bar alone. This isn’t helping any…

    I agree with the bride to be. Posting his number on Facebook might be fun!

    • August 8, 2011 1:56 pm

      Sorry.

      Yep, she asked ALL her friends to txt him telling him what a great time they’d had in the alley/backseat/whatever

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