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My application for mother of the year

October 24, 2011

There are days, and I have them. The days when I’m short on temper and long on sighs, clinging desperately to that last frayed nerve (I first wrote frazy – that really sums it up doesn’t it?). Days like these seem to be the ones that V picks to act out, to not listen, to push boundaries. Sometimes I take a deep breath and I walk away, and others, well, end like last Thursday:

I was getting V ready for bed, herding her through her snack, up the stairs, into her PJs, into the bathroom. Each and every step was accompanied by threats, cajoling, repeated requests on my part, and anything from very little cooperation to outright defiance on hers. As we got to the bathroom, and more specifically toilet stage of the routine, V decided to spend her time jamming the bathroom door into the toilet seat (slight design issue) rather than using the toilet. My second request for her to stop and get on the toilet was met with a screamed, ‘it’s my bathroom, I can do what I want!’ (which for the record is patently untrue and the screaming is NEVER tolerated).

At this I felt that frazy nerve snap, jump out my ear and skitter across the floor. I picked her up, swung the door out of the way, pulled down her pjs and plunked her on the can. Where she began to cry. I know, I know. I’m not proud of this in the least, but wait, it gets better. It wasn’t a whine, not a sob, not even really crying, but that bottom of the gut silent wail that kids let out, a mixture of anger and frustration. The one where they forget to breathe. And forget to breathe she did, and then she passed out. On the can. Well, on the can and then while I watched in utter amazement, off the can and onto her forehead landing between the toilet and the tub. How do I know she passed out? Well, she didn’t use her hands to break the fall, and I’m sure that anyone, even a very angry child would prefer break their fall with their hands rather than their forehead. (The same side of her forehead she rammed into a kitchen chair the Sunday before, the night before Thanksgiving.)

What does a mother do when her child has just taken a header off the toilet? Why this one picks her up and plunks her back on the toilet of course! V continued an angry tirade right until we got settled in bed to read her books, at which time I asked her how her head felt, and she looked at me, goose-egg glowing angrily from her forehead and said, ‘no mommy, you hurt my toe!’

Angry bully, concussed child, and memory loss for the win! Where do I pick up my prize?

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14 Comments leave one →
  1. Nora permalink
    October 24, 2011 12:23 pm

    Ok….as I have absolutely perfect children and I’ve NEVER had those moments, I can’t possibly understand what you went through that night (oh….and I never lie either!) I have to say that you had me laughing so hard that I think I had a tinkle bell moment and I definitely had tears – you just made my day (and it wasn’t a bad day either!). You are hilarious!

    • October 24, 2011 4:10 pm

      Thanks Nora. And I can’t imagine your two angels ever acting this way, although if they did, at least you have the wine to fall back on!

  2. October 24, 2011 12:30 pm

    Nope, like Nora I’ve never had a night like that. Especially bedtime routines; he always cooperates, especially for the bathroom part.

    Seeyusly, though… Poor diddums and her head! But good for you finishing it off by putting her back on. 😉

    • October 24, 2011 4:11 pm

      Sounds like I’ve got some competition! There really are only so many options for an angry, ready to pee toddler.

  3. October 24, 2011 3:11 pm

    sitting here laughing my head off. probably not the response you were hoping for, but i laugh because it’s just another typical day in our household and i am so very glad i am not alone!

    • October 24, 2011 4:12 pm

      Glad to hear I gave you a chuckle, because if you’re not laughing…

  4. October 24, 2011 7:19 pm

    As unlikely as it seems, I have been there. I’m laughing *and* crying.

    Also, having “Frazy Mother” put on a t-shirt.

  5. Deb permalink
    October 24, 2011 10:25 pm

    I have lived that same tale! Minus the passing out off of the can – haven’t experienced that. Yet. Ah, the bedtime antics. When they are too tired to behave and we are all too anxious for a few moments of quiet.

    • October 24, 2011 11:05 pm

      Yep, it’s bad enough I feel selfish without her going and knocking herself out!

  6. October 25, 2011 12:52 am

    I think it’s head injury week. Z almost put an eye out on a display unit at the Bell Store. Once I figured out she was ok, I showed very little sympathy as I’d asked her repeatedly to stop what she was doing. I think everyone in the store thought I was a bad mother. And today she’s got a new scrape under that black eye – something about a door at school and a boy. No concussions yet, though.

    • October 25, 2011 7:49 pm

      Eep, the public MOTY! even better. Hope her eye is okay.

  7. October 25, 2011 11:44 am

    Frazy Mother T-shirts? Oh yeah. Order me one.

    You’ve got me laughing too. Sorry Neeroc. But it IS funny. Here *hands you a statue* here’s your prize. You definitely deserve it. As do we all honey! As do we all.

    BTW, I hope she peed after all that hullaballoo… 🙂

    • October 25, 2011 7:58 pm

      I’d like to thank my family, my agent…wow the music already?

      Saddest part was after that she didn’t, but I think she cried it all out. *g*

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