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Oh you were looking for me…

April 19, 2012

At the volunteer appreciation breakfast at V’s school? Here, let me help. Scan right on past all those (oh my god so) young moms. Don’t bother wasting any of your searching on the ones with the perfect make-up and the wrinkle-free business attire. Sure, it’s easy to get distracted by their perfectly cut, highlighted and styled hair and their gleaming white teeth catch your eye as they casually chat amongst themselves, but you won’t be finding me there. And as much as I wish, that’s not me in the SAHM uniform either – no Lululemon for this gal, and my hair is way too short for a ponytail (although my grey streaks may qualify as highlights)! You can also tell this isn’t me; they’re the keeners, getting the certificates, hanging out with the Parent’s Council club, you know, actually talking to people. Actually, let me just hid my name tag from the Parent’s Council so they don’t realize I’m the one that keeps sending those annoying email requests…

Oh there I am, off to the side, wild-eyed and grinning like an idiot, not knowing a single soul. In my jeans, docs and work-swag jacket (for goodness sake there are farms out here! I though there might be more flannel). No I’m not having a seizure, I’m trying, marginally successfully, to balance a fruit-filled paper plate on top of my styrofoam cup of coffee. And yes, my hair is getting a bit long – aka I am well overdue for a haircut. No, it really wasn’t a dare, I left the house before it was completely dry, thinking it would behave on the 3 minute drive to the school. I stepped out of the car and the wind laughed a windy laugh at me. Too bad I didn’t think about checking the damage until *after* the event. I promise I didn’t mean to look like a tour bus from the 80s crashed into the back of a blue-hair salon.

Oh good you were looking for some socially awkward conversation, that I can do! No really come back, I can totally finish this conversation with my foot in my mouth! I won’t even spill my coffee (again).

And to think, they let me read to children *g*

6 Comments leave one →
  1. Adele eyman permalink
    April 19, 2012 10:31 pm

    Omg that is so funny! Brings back repressed memories of trying to seem a tiny bit normal amongst the super mums at E’s school, and that was like 18 years ago! Hang in there, there is more to life than white teeth and highlighted hair 🙂

    • April 25, 2012 7:48 pm

      It’s like I didn’t get the memo about the mom uniform!

  2. April 20, 2012 8:26 am

    Love this! Did I meet you in the hall somewhere….? I was the one with the grass stain on the knee of her pants, having tripped and gone sprawling on the way to school.. : )

  3. April 22, 2012 8:10 pm

    I wish our kids went to the same school. I went to that volunteer appreciation breakfast once – excruciating.

    • April 25, 2012 9:39 pm

      Ya, I’m not sure I can do that again. I may drop out before she’s even in first grade!

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