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Stop! Thief!

June 17, 2012

Yes we had a lovely Father’s Day, yada yada, I’ll go into all in another post (I mean I did spend the entire car ride home formulating a post in my head) but holy crap on a stick people I had no idea when we moved into this house that we were moving into Father’s Day preempting, critter crazy-town!

First we had the mouse. I should say mice. I also say had, as there have been many, many snaps, and now many cans of spray foam. I’m confident in the ‘had’.

Then this spring we had this guy:

Cute right? Sure. Cute and psycho. It wasn’t enough to lick the sap off the damn tree, he felt the need to eat my flamin’ deck!:

Dear squirrels, you are nuts.

The way I see it, the inside belongs to me, the outside belongs to them (I’m fairly sure it’s a law). I understand that if my plants are too tasty, and undefended they will get eaten. I may even offer them up to keep them out of my house. But please, please, why won’t they stay out of my house?

In the interest of getting fresh air without confusing the critters, we put up screens. (Like almost every other person in North America I should add) Screens are like walls and windows. A clear division that every creature understands. Well, everyone but the criminals…

And now, tonight’s crime spree:

The break-in

Eating healthy. Note – this was not the original location of this apple.

Or not.


People, goldilocks a chipmunk BROKE IN TO MY HOUSE! Broke my shit, ate my food, and traumatized my dog. Let’s just hope it decided to go back to it’s own bed for a nap, because otherwise I’m stuffing the damn thing and sending it to The Bloggess!

**Hubby just asked me to come over and help him replace the screen. To which I sighed heavily and replied, ‘every second spent there is a second away from posting about this.’ He apparently doesn’t care. He then tried to run my fingers over with the little screen-edging-smusher-of-death tool, and when I screamed that he was trying to chop off my fingers he scoffed. He’s really pushing this whole ‘I’m not going to be a bitch of Father’s Day’ thing I was attempting.

Smusher of death

Lethal weapon or not? You be the judge.

12 Comments leave one →
  1. June 17, 2012 11:04 pm

    Wait – how do you know for sure it was a chipmunk?

  2. Pam @writewrds permalink
    June 18, 2012 11:51 am

    Too funny. Husbands and critters can be dangerous. : ) LOL

    • June 19, 2012 12:05 am

      They’re trying to break in again! They’re starting to scare me. *g*

  3. June 18, 2012 12:03 pm

    A chipmunk! (Oh boy, you would not like my husband. He feeds them on our back porch!) Also, the Bloggess wouldn’t be able to accept your donated stuffed chipmunk unless it died from natural causes and I don’t think being stomped on by your foot would count 😉

    • June 19, 2012 12:07 am

      That’s it, I’m making chipmunk-sized maps to your place.

      And natural you say? I’m sure that could be arranged…I mean, it might happen.

  4. June 19, 2012 10:16 am

    Wait – there’s a tool for that? I don’t just have to use a butter knife?

    • June 21, 2012 2:11 pm

      I’m not sure which would have the higher risk for digit loss…

  5. June 26, 2012 12:40 pm

    Any updates on the lil menace?? Any more attempts? Have you electrified the screen?

    • June 27, 2012 9:57 am

      We caught him red handed when we were out having dinner one night. Turns out it’s a red squirrel! Bugger.

  6. Winn permalink
    May 13, 2014 11:00 pm

    No one should feed wild animals! I want to find the person who puts out whole nuts for the squirrels & racoons. I think I know who it is but she’s denied it ? Squirrels
    are rats with fluffy tails 😦


  1. Father’s Day « One day this blog will have a snazzy name

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