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Tidy up Tuesday – PSA

May 10, 2011


(I’m sure anyone who knows me, or has ever set foot in my house is rolling, if not on the ground, then their eyes at the thought of me doing a Tidy Up Tuesday post)

Have you ever wandered through a furniture showroom and thought to yourself, ‘man I’d love it if my house looked like this’?

Well, I’m here to tell you you you probably didn’t mean it.What you most likely meant was, ‘I wish I was better at dealing with clutter’ or ‘damn I should vacuum’. Or you needed to qualify it with, ‘for tomorrow’s party’ or ‘when the in-laws are over’. Because it may have escaped your attention, but real live actual people do not live in showrooms. Or put another way, be careful what you wish for.

Let me get this clear right off the bat, I am not saying that my couches survived 15 years of countless loungers, parties, a baby, a cat, two dogs and a rabbit unscathed. I am however saying that I now have vases and picture frames on my bookshelves, alongside some carefully selected books. Not too left, not too right, not too religious and not too critical of religion. If only there were an adult version of Dick and Jane. Or Mr. Mugs.

Then there is the laundry list of work items that must be accomplished each morning – ‘fluff pillows to matching poofiness’ and ‘adjust angle of dresser tray’ for example. Also on the list – ‘threaten V if she takes out one more toy’. On a related note you can only amuse a three year old by asking her to spin herself dizzy for so long. Sure you already have the mop out, but do you really want that extra cleaning?

And although they are tempting, unwarranted time-outs should only be used in moderation. Not only does it keep them on their toes, but it gives you (well me in this case) 3 whole minutes of uninterrupted cleaning time! (If you’re not cool with the out-of-the-blue timeouts, just watch your child for 20 seconds. I guarantee that in that time they’ll: touch the walls, smear yogurt under the table, or smush their face into the window and blow bubbles. This will give you license to scream like a banshee and send them to the corner/naughtystep…but remember they’re taking notes and you’re fast tracking to the retirement home of their choosing).

In keeping your house ‘showroom clean’ you will also discover how much of your dog’s diet was composed of the crumbs dropped from the kitchen table. My poor guy is down 5lbs I swear! Also, have you ever seen a dog bed in a furniture showroom? Didn’t think so. Good think my dude is good natured enough to sleep on the floor for 4 weeks (and counting).

From there you will survey the garbage cans in each room, assessing whether they are ‘showroom ready’. Yes, I assess my garbage, and no, you don’t want to know the criteria.

Before deciding to move into the showroom, you should also consider that it interferes with those little domestic wars we’ve been waging for so long now. How can I count the unchanged toilet rolls, dirty dishes or the unsorted laundry hampers if we have to deal with them daily? How can anyone complain about the stacks of dishes if they’re done each night? Late bills? Not a chance when you have to file everything immediately…unless you file it without paying (and who would do that? *g*). Hubby and I have had to come up with entirely new topics of conversation

And finally, if you don’t have some balance between ‘lived in’ and ‘showroom’, you will find yourself in your bedroom, the one with the dark wood furniture, yelling at the dust that settled over night.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. May 10, 2011 3:48 pm

    I feel your pain. We moved a year ago and showing the house was by far the most stressful part. I would leave the house every morning with the boys, who were forced to sit on the front mat for 10 minutes while I stormed around the house frantically tidying, and then have to find somewhere to be with them for the entire day (in February no less). Thankfully the showings only lasted 6 days…I think I would have waved the white flag if it had gone on any longer!

    • neeroc permalink*
      May 11, 2011 9:50 pm

      6 days? Oy. I’m going to cry *g*

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